No matter how long it's been since your divorce, sometimes it's difficult NOT to feel like you're "in it alone". By that I mean, I have 3 children full time, and there are times when I think, "Geez...it would be nice to just drop everything and bugger off for a week, without having to think about making arrangements for anyone else." Some would call that selfish...I'd call it being a divorced male. I'd like to be a divorced man for a month...a divorced man, whose ex-wife has the kids 24/7.
I'd like to be a divorced male, with enough money to do what I want, when I want. I want to be able to have the time in my day to eat when I want to, and not have to worry about the fact that there's anyone else living in my house, that I HAVE to cook for.
I want to be the divorced man, who only gets to do the GOOD stuff with his kids. I'd like to try THAT for a month. I'm tired of being "bad cop". I don't want to be the one to raise my voice about doing homework, or vacuuming, or cleaning their rooms. I'm sick of hearing myself nag. I want to be the male side of the equation, "good cop" if you will, taking the kids to DisneyLand, Hawaii, rock climbing, out for dinner on a whim. I wanna piss off to Vegas with my friends ten times a year. I want to be on the side that gets to relive my 20's, the smart way now that I'm in my 40's. THAT'S the side that I want to be on for just one month.
On the flipside, it would be nice if the ex could take MY place for a month. Do all the things that I do, and say, and pay for. I want him to know what it's like to drive here, drop this one off 5 minutes before breaking the speed barrier to pick up the other one halfway across town. Make sure that the little one does their homework, because another trip to the school counselors office with his already tight schedule is gonna be a definite pain in the ass.
As the parent with the kids 24/7, he could be the one to try to figure out how he's going to pay ALL of the bills in the same month, AND pay for the kids' school fees, supplies, outings and whims. All of the things that require an additional cash outlay. It would be nice if he could understand first hand, that most PARENTS DON'T get to drop what they're doing, so that they can fuck off to Hawaii, or Vegas whenever the mood strikes them. MOST parents, especially those who have children full time, have to put the kids first, thus not allowing for many of those "Me" days at all.
Don't get me wrong, my children are my Universe, I'd jump in front of a speeding bus to save any one of them, and I have no idea how I'd manage without them. But at the same time, who can help but wonder, what it would be like, to live on the 'other' side? I'm sure that all of you who have kids 24/7 can relate.
Now...before you men click that "email me" button with the intention of chewing me a new one, know that this piece relates not only to men. It relates to the PARENT who doesn't have the kids full time.
And THAT'S my vent for this Saturday morning.
Debbie
Note:
For the record, it's been awhile because I was busy writing "The Joy of Ex" and building another blog. Come on over and visit me at www.thejoyofex.net! :)
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