I get mail on a regular basis from women from all walks of life, and some of their stories would make your hair stand. One of those women has an ex husband who, after losing an enormous amount of weight, decided that he’d much rather be single. So before even leaving the home that he shared with his wife and children, he created himself a profile on an online dating site, and found himself a Russian bride....while he was still married.

Then there’s the lovely lady whose husband was having an affair with one of the other moms at the school that hers and this other woman’s children were attending.

He would bring this woman into the house that he shared with his wife and children for fun and games, while his wife was at work during the day! He’s now her ex-husband, and he takes any and every opportunity to make her life absolutely miserable, taking her to court over every five minute change in the children’s visitation schedule. He even emails her his immature gripes on a regular basis…four page letters that he expects her to respond to …immediately. When she doesn’t respond in some fashion, he contacts his lawyer, and she gets one of his rants via snail mail. She has changed her email address, and he sent her (by mail) a 3 page letter about his disagreement with that!! She sends the children to his house with new clothing, it doesn’t come back with the children…the ex keeps it. Never to be seen again.

My ex husband can be an ass. No doubt about that, he definitely has his moments. But compared to the ex-husbands of some of the women that I receive mail from, and even some that I know, he’s a brand new pair of Jimmy Choos.

The point here is this: Regardless of your situation, there’s always a bright side. Regardless of what you have to deal with, you could always have worse. We're rarely given more than we can handle. God only knows why I didn’t get a husband who had stones big enough to bring some woman into our bed. If that were the case, I’d most likely be writing this from a jail cell now (and something tells me that he would know this).

Find the bright side of your story. You know what my bright side is? My bright side is that my ex doesn’t harass me by email, the clothing that I send to his house with the kids returns with the kids, and he hasn’t chosen to live half a block away from where I live (Thank God).

Add to that, I have three healthy, happy children, I get every other weekend “off” when my “angels” are with the ex (didn’t have that before my divorce), and life is more peaceful than I ever imagined it would be.

What’s your bright side?

Martinis For Everyone!

Debbie Burgin.

Copyright 2009 Debbie Burgin All Rights Reserved.


For the record, it's been awhile because I was busy writing "The Joy of Ex" and building another blog. Come on over and visit me at! :)


  1. The bright side-- that I am so utterly happy when my children prefer to lie on my floor with me and play boardgames and talk, when he has spent all his time and money building a half-a million dollar dream home with his new wife (aka: the secretary)- with an $800 doorbell no less-- and when his children don't feel safe or comfortable or even welcome in his home-- it could break your heart, but really, I am actually thrilled to sit in my modest home, and be who I am for the first time in my life... and allow my children the same luxury... knowing that real luxury means being free to be, with unconditional, non-material acceptance...