...not with your heart.

When my ex left the house that we shared with the children, the children and I lived in the house for about 3 years, after which time he and I agreed on a ‘buyout’ price for the sake of my being the only one on title, able to do as I wished with the house once I could call it my own.

We sat down one evening, and agreed on a price at which I would be ‘purchasing’ the house. We set a price, and made a verbal agreement. I knew in my gut that I should’ve got something in writing, but I thought to myself, “He’ll stick to his end of the deal. He wouldn’t try to screw me.” But my gut still nagged at me.

About a month later, we got around to ‘finalizing’ the deal. He wanted $10k MORE than he had agreed to one month earlier. TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS??? I was fuming. But I only had myself to blame. Had I got it in writing before, I would have got the price that I wanted. If I actually wanted to fight him over the $10K, I’d have to take him to court, which in itself would have been a lesson in futility; spend God knows how much time, sweat and money trying to prove that he agreed to ten grand less, four weeks prior. My bad, it’s a lesson I learned the hard way, but it’s definitely not a mistake I’ll ever make again.

As women, we have a tendency to give others the ‘benefit of the doubt’. We think with our hearts, not with our heads. We are even worse when it comes to the divorce process. We think that this person with whom we’ve shared everything, and for whom we bore children is going to live up to his moral obligation with regard to finances and property…assets in general. Especially when we spent the last God knows how many years taking care of home business so that he could go out and conquer the world. That’s the thanks we get.

Think with your heads girls. The words “he would never do that to me” don’t exist in your vocabulary. Banish them. I don’t care how small it is, get EVERYTHING in writing. Don’t ‘wimp out’ on anything. It’s not generally easy by any means, but figure out what you’re willing to give in to, get it in writing, and get on with your fabulous life.

Martinis for Everyone!


Copyright © 2009 Debbie Burgin All Rights Reserved.


For the record, it's been awhile because I was busy writing "The Joy of Ex" and building another blog. Come on over and visit me at! :)

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